I got chris browned last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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