You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
