brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
