Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
