Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
