why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
