Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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