i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
