you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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