and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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