yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
