Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
