You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
