I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
