C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
