Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
did you just send me my own nude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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