he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
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Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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