You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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