he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
