I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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