Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Text me some of your sweat
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
