im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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