They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
