needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
