We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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