with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
