ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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