Joe is yelling at the trees again.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dicks are not precious.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
