dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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