I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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