Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
