I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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