they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
