i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
