Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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