ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
