guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Help. Why am I so naked?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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