I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
