cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
