i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
