Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
