I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
