I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Swine flu. Run for my life!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
