This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
