he shaved USA in his pubs
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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