I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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