I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
