I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
