Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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