Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
