Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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