watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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