JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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