I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
