i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They have beer where we have blood.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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