I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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