I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
