i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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