I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
