I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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