discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
