yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
