i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
