OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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