I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I haven't been this sober since birth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
