Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
