I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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