Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
