She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
