I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
