did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
