How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
