People in love make me want to vomit
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
