let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
