i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
